Still Climbing Uphill

I got a very nice phone call from the mother of a friend yesterday.  She was widowed at age 28.  Heart attack.  It was nice to hear from another widow who clearly understood how much has to be handled, especially that first year but the birthday bask over, I am back to climbing uphill. There are three things I am dealing with in particular right now.

Larry's car does not feel very safe to drive. I have never liked this car.  It was mine first. Yesterday the entire electrical panel of the car starting doing strange things and the engine sounded weird.  Lights popping on and off on the dashboard.  It felt electrical but it was scary.  I was on a one lane country road.  I feel like I need another car asap and don't want to rush into something.  Have an appointment with Honda on Saturday.  

My prescription company is not recognizing me as covered.   I mentioned that I'm having a lot of pain and have two prescriptions to deal with muscle and tooth pain.  I can't pick them up without paying full price due to some kind of glitch with Larry's employer whom I pay to be insured.  Spent an hour trying to resolve that last night.  Hopefully will be resolved by end of day. 

Most disturbing is that the fish pond is leaking water from the pump causing lots of water to be lost.  I turned off the pump last night after asking a neighbor if the fish would be ok.  Most are.  One is dying now.  It's hard to watch one of Larry's fish on it's back gasping for oxygen since it takes me back to Larry's final days which were highly disturbing.  If fish were warm blooded, I might find the strength to kill the fish, but knowing it is not in pain, I'm just going to let things take their course. 

I'm looking forward to connecting with more widows in September to share that trauma in hopes of feeling better about it.  I mentioned in a past blog that I went to a grief group in Hamilton and felt judged--like really judged for being divorced and other things too.