Doubly Dead

Something that I did not anticipate is that nobody wants to bring up Larry or talk about him to me.  So it's as if he's doubly dead.  I even asked his brother Kevin to tell me a story about him and he said, "Oh there's so many." but let the subject drop.  I think some people are afraid they will cry as in Kevin's case or are afraid they will make me cry.  Crying feels better than stuffing the tears.  It is cathartic.

For some, as in most people who I encounter at my workplace, Larry's death is over.  It's been two months so they feel I should be moving on which is, of course, ridiculous for anyone who has been through this.  It's over for them.  I work part-time in a place where the public can come in and hang out in my office space (yes, somewhat annoying at times).  Yesterday's public discussion was a story about someone with cancer who died and what happened after that. This discussion was started by someone I know well at work.  I wanted to scream, "Hello, don't you know this is painful for me?"  I decided to calm down and address it today.

I also broke down crying to one of Larry's good friends asking for him and another of  Larry's good friends to visit and telling him how much I missed their presence, but it fell on deaf ears.  There will be no visit ever I'm sure. I don't expect to hear much from many of Larry's friends.  This is very typical after a tragedy.  Certain people come through, certain cannot deal.  My dog walking friends will help if I ask but I've gotten the most (physical) help from members of the TV station where I work in the afternoons.

Nothing has broken yet this week.  Toilet still broken.  This seems crazy, I know, but I don't want to purchase a new toilet because the toilet, sink and shower stall are all a funky shade of green (which I love) and that bathroom doesn't look so great in the first place mostly due to me telling Larry I could install the vinyl floor (badly) and workmen falling through the ceiling (including Larry.  We never got it repaired because Larry kept saying he was going to fix it himself.   Going to bicycle shop to try to get the tire rack off of the spare tire so that Toyota can come take my car away.  Hopefully I can lift the spare tire. I am getting a used car so that I don't have payments anymore. 

Still exercising, still playing guitar.  Getting exercise DVDs from the library which is actually a great way to preview them.  The three things giving me pleasure right now...my dogs, singing and playing music and feeling my muscles get stronger.  That's better than no pleasure...Oh, and rearranging stuff to make the house look nice.  Four things!!!