When I miss Larry and other musings

I have this rule with myself to never work freelance past 9 pm.  First, I get up extremely early to start work and secondly, I have had fatigue-related health issues in the past and this is one way of keeping that from happening again. It is getting increasingly hard to stick to this.  When Larry died, I had two main clients.  I now have five and I thank the universe for that, but it's got it's challenges.

I started reading this book called Evolution Angel loaned to me by a friend about a ER physician's experiences talking with spirit guides.  It kind of explains why people have to die etc. and it has been comforting.  These spirits place a great emphasis on good deeds and so I have begun to volunteer 15 minutes per day at the local animal shelter to work with a happy (but slightly obnoxious) little dog named Bunny.  She wasn't too interested in my training methods until I brought hotdogs.  I also volunteered to help a program I belong to called Suppers which helps me maintain healthy eating. 

So here's the opposite of my last post, I am starting with the good and moving on to the bad.  I am VERY busy and it is becoming clear to me that my new lifestyle will not support having a house and all that it takes to maintain that house so will definitely be moving out of a house and into townhouse or condo but not for a while - at least another year.

 There have been a few moments when I miss having my friend around.  The worst (and it really was the moment I felt the MOST sorry for myself since Larry passed) was I have recently needed to have a lot of medical testing done.  I went for a CT scan.  I was nervous, there was huge drama over my paperwork and precertification number to get the insurance company to cover it, delaying the scan and now having to squeeze me in.  I watched an older patient as they wheeled him into the radiology department.  The nurses were talking to him, but he was dispondant.  I wondered if he had any family looking after him.  I wondered who will look after me if I become ill.  My parents are older and I have one sibling left (the other died young) who lives across the country and probably would not be too keen on taking care of me.  She has always been a bit of a fun-loving gal and not as good at facing tough emotional situations.  So stuff went wrong and I'm a needle phobe anyway and the tests  I'm having done are to rule out cancer,  I asked someone to come along with me but they couldn't and it just felt very lonely.  I made it through the scan without much incident (did have to stop them because I was going to faint but I did not!).   

The other moment was a storm that hit Tuesday night.  I get really nervous about being alone for a natural disaster and having another human in the house just kind of calms me down. Anyway, the storm was really intense for about 15 minutes but then subsided.  Branches fell, some large, none hit the house. 

The other thing that I miss about Larry is having someone take me out for a good meal.   I haven't quite figured out how to navigate that one.  Saturday I try to cook a fancy meal for myself but it's not the same as being waited on and tasting good food you didn't have to work hard for.  I don't know, singles, got any strategies?