You know those people you meet and you wonder how they are getting by with life because they are so not present that they leave their wallet on the counter or loose their keys or LOCK THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING AND THEIR POCKETBOOK INSIDE? I must confess that I have an artist's temperament and that I fight everyday not to be as spacey as I really am and having lost Larry, I can tell you it is a million times worse than usual. I have lists and charts and timers and reminders to counteract the fact that I have trouble with life's basics, but yes, I locked my dogs in the car with the motor running as well as my pocketbook. But who needs a husband when you have AAA? Every other person has a AAA card on them and a cell phone and all AAA needs is your name and they can look you up. Another non-event thanks to my AAA membership!
So I think I've decided that the yard is a little much for me to maintain from year to year so I'll probably move but not anytime soon. For now I'm actually enjoying parts of being alone. I get a lot of energy from being alone--always have. Parties wear me out. All that small talk is tedious. And my new best friend is Etsy--my source for affordable decorating. Larry loved the ocean (as I do) and so I am transforming the room that he passed away in, into a beautiful nautical-themed room filled with antique prints of starfish and jellyfish, shells on the dresser and several shades of blue. The jury is out right now on whether or not I will rent this room but I cannot imagine sharing space with someone right now. I would be grouchy with even the perfect roommate so it will be my starfish guestroom for now.
Yes, folks, I am having longer and longer periods of time when I forget the awfulness of loosing Larry. Things are good with my career. In fact, a lifelong project is coming to fruition thanks to the graduates of my puppet class. I'll share more on that another time. I'm still a bit incredulous that my carpe diem moment is here. Anyway, my talents are finally being recognized by the world. The day that Larry decided to give up fighting the cancer, at the end of the conversation when there were no more words to be said, I said to Larry, if there's any way for you to help my career from the other side...I trailed off. He emphatically said, "No worries mate" which is what he often referred to me as. I don't know if that's what he is busy doing or if my energy is finally freed up, but I find myself more and more in front of shakers and movers in the town of Princeton and they are saying that I'm very talented in a variety of different things.
The dogs have also been a Godsend. They are silly and happy creatures and I so look forward to coming home to pet them and dote on them. Oakley and I will start our agility classes on Monday. That's what I asked for for my 50th birthday because when I am training her, I do not dwell on the past, I am totally present so that's 8 weeks where I know that one hour a week, I will be pleasantly distracted.
I even cooked for a couple this weekend. I choose a menu I couldn't mess up too badly, but the meal was good and then we all went to see the new Woody Allen movie (yawn, don't bother).
Yes, my friends, grief is easing up a bit.
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