Remains

I need to get this out in writing.  This event has been on my mind and troubling me and I feel a bit paralyzed and sad. 

My step daughter came to see me for the first time since Larry's funeral.  It's been a strained relationship at times and she blew off visits five times before so I made her commit to a specific time and she showed.  It was a good visit and somewhat healing--some things were explained.  Part of her visit was to get half of Larry's ashes.  That was my promise to her.    That container has sat in the living room since the funeral.  I unceremoniously poured what was my husband's body into a Ziploc bag over the kitchen sink.  There were fragments of bone like I had been warned.  I have been overeating a lot.  Food is comforting.  I didn't think this event would affect me so much, but that night I ate anything that wasn't nailed down. I feel miserable about my weight gain, but stopping feels insurmountable.