Christmas has come and gone. I made the best of it and even planned things I like to do. I drank my way through Christmas eve in a tipsy stupor until I fell asleep. There were some very sad moments, but none so sad as my initial attempt to decorate when I opened a box and came across all of our Christmas stockings. I didn't know what to do with these stockings physically. Do I hang mine? There's nobody to fill it. Do I get rid of Larry's? Do I send his children theirs? Do I donate these items? There came a flood of emotions for the shifting relationships between me and his children. His daughter did not invite me to the grandchildren's birthday parties and I have waited 5 separate days for her to pick up half of Larry's ashes but she never showed and never left an explanation. At the funeral, she acted like I killed Larry. I wished her a happy birthday on Facebook and sent a gift card for Christmas. I'm keeping the lines of communication open mostly because Larry would like it that way.
My relationship with Larry's autistic son, Jordan, however, has shifted for the better. Because Jordan is no longer staying overnight every other weekend, Jordan realizes that it is now a privilege to spend time together and he is on his best behavior. We spent time together for our annual Frazer Family Christmas shopping and in a quiet moment, I asked him if he missed his Dad. He said, "Yes" but then added, "But you miss him most of all". I was astounded that he was able to acknowledge that the relationship of a husband and wife is different than other family members. It was sweet.
Relationships with his friends have shifted. My social life was filled with Larry's friends for the past ten years and that has completely stopped. I don't hear from any of Larry's friends.
Since the hurricane, however, I realize how kind my immediate neighbors have been, tackling robbers and getting relatives with chainsaws to help me with a fallen tree. Also kind have been my dogwalking friends from the neighborhood with whom I have spent the past 6 or 7 New Year's Eves. This year, because my house has a dining room and as an acknowledgement to Larry, the party will be mostly at my home. Larry would be thrilled.
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