The holidays are coming and I feel just plain crummy; physically and mentally. It feels like I am going backwards in grief. I have a lot of sob moments right now although I have taken steps to take care of myself and try to get some of my needs met. There is one aspect of my life where I know I am truly blessed. As others in my grief group repeat the sentiment that they feel lost and don't understand why they are left here on earth, I know perfectly well what I was put on earth to do and that is to produce educational children's videos. It feels a little unsafe to share this with the rest of my grief group, but, in fact, I have been working towards this goal for the past 15 years, perhaps longer. There could be no greater time than now to produce Sesame Street for the environment and the final part of the puzzle presented itself in the form of a troupe of puppeteers I got to know through a class. And so we are building puppet, writing storyboards, scheduling rehearsals etc and I am the human who gets to be in charge of this which is awesome.
I met with the grief group tonight and it just helped to connect with others who are experiencing similar things and the craziness of life after your loved one dies. It has almost been 7 months now but it feels as fresh as yesterday. The advent of the holiday season approaching is triggering me even more.
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