At last, a vision for the future.

Truth be told, I continue to be pretty sad and overwhelmed. Luckily, a random visit to my physician ended up in a prescription for two weeks off.  I already feel less overwhelmed just two days in.  I've been dealing with overwhelm by indulging in  wine and cheese parties for one resulting in a whopping weight gain.  I now don't fit into most of my donated clothes post fire.  What makes me angry with myself is that THIS is something I can control.... but I choose not to.

On a more positive note, I've been back to my former neighborhood quite a bit and the more I go back, the more I accept that even if it were possible to rebuild, it makes me sad to go back.  There is just a heaviness of painful memories.  There is a whole lot of loss wrapped up in that empty lot.  Which leads me to some good news...I've put a bid in on a house.  I've seen 20-30 houses and I've only been enthusiastic about two.  One was a little rich for my pocketbook and when Larry passed (it will be a year this week) I was well aware of what life was like putting all of your paycheck into bills.  I didn't want to recreate that "all work and no play" existence.

Bordentown is a lovely and somewhat funky town with lots of history and Ocean Spray headquarters.  Since I love historical homes, I put a bid in on  a Philadelphia style row home from 1820.  It has original floors in the living room and is just enough house for me.  The rooms are tiny, but it also won't cost a lot to decorate them.  The backyard feels very cottage-like and the yard is small enough that all I would need is an old-fashioned hand mower.  At least I won't be spending five hours per week on my former yard.  This house is walking distance to a beautiful riverside park and two blocks from a thriving downtown.  I wanted to live in Lambertville, but this is the next best thing.  Lambertville is next to the Delaware River too, but it floods.  Bordentown is on a bluff 400 feet above sea level.  The riverside park is along this bluff and it's about 30 seconds by foot from my potential future home.

Of course, I'm assuming that I'm going to get the house.  I think I would be kind of devastated if I didn't since in my mind, I've moved in with Oakley and my future doggie Joline.  Oakley really needs to focus on another dog and she really enjoyed her role as big sister.

Joline is a dog I've been helping out at a shelter.  She's trouble.  I tend to pick dogs with big problems.  Luckily having had no children, I have the time and energy to rehab troubled dogs and I LOVE it. I feel very happy to help dogs overcome their past and it's one way I try to give back to this thing called life.  

So finally, I have a future that I can envision and that is helping the depression, even if it does not come to pass.  The home and Joline might not happen, but I sure hope they do.

future Joline- yes, she only has one eye.  Maybe she can wear a patch, like a pirate.